Spineful Living, lesson 7: Assumptions Make....
Even in my old age, it still surprises me how often people like to think they
know everything about me, and feel free to say the most obnoxious things.
Like when I was shopping for property a few years ago. As soon as the sellers
or real estate agents learned I was from the Big City, they assumed I was
this dumbass city slicker with too much money and a predictable set of dumb
attitudes and beliefs about rural life. So I kept hearing crap like "well,
it's not what you're used to" and "This is a special price just for you!"
(Yeah, much higher.) I wish I had set them straight at the time, but I
didn't. How could they possibly know what I was used to? It's rather
mind-boggling as I look back on that- they never heard of people having
actual life experiences?
Terry told me a tale once upon a time of a co-worker who was ranting on about
some personal problem, and she tells Terry "You have no idea what it's like
raising children!" Terry told her "Um, I raised three boys", which took the
wind out of her sails. For a little while, anyway. I'm always amazed at
the "You have no idea what it's like!" type of statements- I always get stuck
on the sheer proud ignorance of statements like that, and never respond in a
satisfactory way.
When do you correct people's incorrect assumptions, and when do you let them
slide? I tend to not make an issue of it, because I'm usually thinking of a
hundred other things and I think it's not worth trying to educate idiots. OK,
so it's not a very complimentary attitude towards other people, and later I
often regret that I didn't say something. So I'm consciously working to set
people straight more often when they make stupid assumptions, rather than
letting it slide.
Women in tech bump into dopey assumptions constantly. We're here with our
boyfriends, or we're dying to spend half a day listening to some long-winded
geek expound on his favorite subjects, or we can't possibly have any skills
or knowledge of our own, or we're just dying to mate with whatever
socially-challenged ickwit succeeds in cornering us. Come to think of it,
that's common in most of life. But I digress. Here are a few assumptions that
I encounter on a regular basis:
- When I fly an American flag, that means I am a rightwingnut patriot of the
icky kind
- Where's my husband?
- Oh, teehee you're gay. That means this other stuff then! (mostly wrong,
though if they want to believe I'm mean and shouldn't be messed with, that's
OK. Them tuff dykes, ya know)
- I write computer howtos, so I'm eager to listen to people rant about all the
things they hate about computers (which all boils down to 'too lazy and
unwilling to learn')
So this week's assignment is what assumptions do you encounter, and what do
you do about them? Is it worth correcting people when they assume wrong
things about you, or is it akin to teaching pigs to sing? Does it benefit you
it ways other than you're not kicking yourself later for not responding?
--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Carla Schroder
Linux geek and random computer tamer
check out my Linux Cookbook!
http://www.oreilly.com/catalog/linuxckbk/
best book for sysadmins and power users
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Even in my old age, it still surprises me how often people like to think they
know everything about me, and feel free to say the most obnoxious things.
Like when I was shopping for property a few years ago. As soon as the sellers
or real estate agents learned I was from the Big City, they assumed I was
this dumbass city slicker with too much money and a predictable set of dumb
attitudes and beliefs about rural life. So I kept hearing crap like "well,
it's not what you're used to" and "This is a special price just for you!"
(Yeah, much higher.) I wish I had set them straight at the time, but I
didn't. How could they possibly know what I was used to? It's rather
mind-boggling as I look back on that- they never heard of people having
actual life experiences?
Terry told me a tale once upon a time of a co-worker who was ranting on about
some personal problem, and she tells Terry "You have no idea what it's like
raising children!" Terry told her "Um, I raised three boys", which took the
wind out of her sails. For a little while, anyway. I'm always amazed at
the "You have no idea what it's like!" type of statements- I always get stuck
on the sheer proud ignorance of statements like that, and never respond in a
satisfactory way.
When do you correct people's incorrect assumptions, and when do you let them
slide? I tend to not make an issue of it, because I'm usually thinking of a
hundred other things and I think it's not worth trying to educate idiots. OK,
so it's not a very complimentary attitude towards other people, and later I
often regret that I didn't say something. So I'm consciously working to set
people straight more often when they make stupid assumptions, rather than
letting it slide.
Women in tech bump into dopey assumptions constantly. We're here with our
boyfriends, or we're dying to spend half a day listening to some long-winded
geek expound on his favorite subjects, or we can't possibly have any skills
or knowledge of our own, or we're just dying to mate with whatever
socially-challenged ickwit succeeds in cornering us. Come to think of it,
that's common in most of life. But I digress. Here are a few assumptions that
I encounter on a regular basis:
- When I fly an American flag, that means I am a rightwingnut patriot of the
icky kind
- Where's my husband?
- Oh, teehee you're gay. That means this other stuff then! (mostly wrong,
though if they want to believe I'm mean and shouldn't be messed with, that's
OK. Them tuff dykes, ya know)
- I write computer howtos, so I'm eager to listen to people rant about all the
things they hate about computers (which all boils down to 'too lazy and
unwilling to learn')
So this week's assignment is what assumptions do you encounter, and what do
you do about them? Is it worth correcting people when they assume wrong
things about you, or is it akin to teaching pigs to sing? Does it benefit you
it ways other than you're not kicking yourself later for not responding?
--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Carla Schroder
Linux geek and random computer tamer
check out my Linux Cookbook!
http://www.oreilly.com/catalog/linuxckbk/
best book for sysadmins and power users
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~